The Awful Day

Today was not a good day in the city. Want to know why? I don't care, I'm going to tell you.

When I woke up, I thought my roommate's cat was dead (and I was the only one home). She wasn't dead, just barfy and very tired. So I cleaned up her kitty vom.

I had to drag my giant, heavy suitcase to work, and they still haven't cleaned the sidewalks. We went through giant puddles and mountainous heaps as well as up lots and lots of stairs. No one helped; I guess I was easily mistakable for the awful holiday tourists, and people were rude to me.

When I went to turn on the stereo at work, I noticed this white stuff all over it, as well as on the Wii. It was the ceiling. The ceiling was falling down on the expensive electronic equipment including our printer, I was the only one in the office, and we have a big client meeting in our office the day everyone gets back from vacation. Why???

I got the landlord to come up and look at the ceilingocalypse. I asked him if it could be fixed before our very important client meeting on Tuesday. "Absolutely not. Every one is on vacation. Haven't you noticed? I think the two of us are the only people in this whole building." This was a gross exaggeration, and I really like and appreciate the landlord man, but at this point in my day? Eff you, dude. Eff everyone. I'm going to Ohio tonight.

I was concerned that I wouldn't get to the airport on time, so I arranged for a car service. Fifteen minutes before they were supposed to pick me up, they called and said, "Sorry, we're not gonna be able to get a car there in time. The traffic is really bad." Well, driver friends, if the traffic is really bad, this is when I NEED you to be here on time, so I don't miss my flight. Serious panic attack time.

INTERRUPTION: you have got to be effing kidding me. The flight attendant just said, "Now, ladies and gents, we have a little fun for you on the flight." (To which I said loudly, "Please no.") "We are happy to announce our 100th passenger on the flight. Can Miss Geller come up here please?" The girl half of the BeachJew couple sitting next to me (I got window seat of the three seat side, of course; my two bench compadres are a very stereotypical Beachwood Jew couple of the kippah-wearing variety. Obviously. Why me?) goes up to the front. Her bf next to me grabs something out of the overhead and follows her. "Actually," the flight attendant says and hands the speaker to the bf, who then PROPOSES to his gf OVER THE SPEAKER. She, of course, tearfully says yes. And the attendant is "so honored they picked Airtran." People won't stop applauding and talking to them and taking pictures. I'm currently ducking so as not to be in their "in our plane seats, newly engaged" pictures. This is so fitting for my weird damn day.

The Snowpocalypse

Took me an hour and a half to get to work today. 1.5 hours. To get from West Harlem to Soho. It should NOT take that long. Even Google maps agrees:

See? Google maps knows all.

Apparently this city doesn't know how to deal with what they are calling Snowpocalypse 2010. Having chosen to move here after four years in Syracuse, this just baffles me. Twenty inches of snow? All in a good day's work. Shouldn't slow us down for a second. However, people have been going kind of crazy.

This was before it got really snowy. But seriously, who takes a cab in the middle of a "blizzard?" Take the train, dumbass. Or better yet, do as I did and STAY HOME.

You would think, in the most heavily populated city in the U.S., they would have some kind of efficient snow-cleaning system. It hasn't snowed in over 24 hours (I think...can't promise as I haven't been standing outside this whole time), and it's still ridiculous to get around (note my commute time today -- and that was on the subway. Which, if you didn't know, runs UNDERGROUND. It generally doesn't snow under the ground. Wtf, friends). The roads are impossible to drive through, and if you parked your car on the street pre-Snowpocalypse, you can look forward to not driving for a good long while.

And the sidewalks are atrocious. In a pedestrian city, I don't understand how the non-Syracuse-primed people are dealing with the trodging-through-the-Appalachians-type experience it takes to go half a block. If, Allah forbid, you have to cross the street -- well, in many cases, you're just shit out of luck. Have fun sloshing blocks out of your way to run across to the deli.

This is what I feel like, trying to walk on the sidewalk. Except, you know, with a less fashionable sweater.

I'm looking forward to a few days in Ohio, where people know how to interact with their weather a little more effectively. Also so I can be pampered by Mommy and Daddy.

Note: none of these pictures were taken by me. They came from some poor suckers who post their stuff publicly on Flickr. But, rest assured, I've seen examples of the above, and worse, with my own eyes during my struggle to get to work today. Including several hilarious and sad dog incidents.

The Apartment

One of my roommates has moved out (and she took everything in her room, as well as everything in the living room...terrifying empty roomness), one of them is in the process of moving out when she gets back from Ohio, and one is on vacation in Florida. My giant Harlem apartment is empty and cold and scary as hell. I don't even have an insanely violent kitty cat here to entertain me.

Of course, I'm working from home today, so it shouldn't matter (I'm the only one in the office, obviously, who didn't take the day off. Take a moment to wonder at the plight of Jews on Christmas. Why doesn't everything in the world shut down on Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur?). However, it turns out that working from home means working in my p.j.s from my bed, particularly when all the living room furniture is gone. Still cold and empty and scary.

The Do

I am the worst blogger ever. Actually someone once told me that if you don't blog more than once a week, your blog is not a blog anymore. I'm not sure what that means for this thing. What is it, if not a blog? A kazoo? A puppy? Is it going to have virtual identity issues?

I am feeling particularly jaunty and weird today, if you can't tell.

My office (the new one...aka the coolest job EVA) went to Barbados this past weekend for our holiday vacation. We were each allowed to take a plus one, so obvs I brought my heterosexual life partner. I knew everyone else would bring bfs/gfs, but honestly, I don't like anyone as much as I like her. Plus, since I'm not seeing anyone, what was I supposed to do, bring a good guy friend and pretend we're sleeping together? Or worse, bring some dude I don't know and actually sleep with him AND have to spend my tropical island time with him? No, thanks. So I took my bff, and it was amazing.

I think I love NYC more since coming back, too. Particularly since I got half my head cornrowed (they say "canerows" there; I don't think they grow corn) in Barbajia (as we call it) on the recommendation of my new best Bajan friend Liz. Seriously, how are people so nice and friendly there? How is that possible? Comparatively, New Yorkers aren't just cold, we're downright murderous. Yet, the murderousness has its own strange charm.

But anyway, the cornrows are great because if you look at me on the left side, I'm just a pale Jewish white girl -- but boom, I turn my head, and you're like WHOA this white girl has attitude. And you know that, because I have badass hair. If I were in bufu Ohio with this hair, I would be shunned and kicked out of my schtetl. But here I can actually tell who the tourists are because they are the only ones who do a double-take when they notice the right side of my head. And I kind of like it.