ATTENTION, NEW YORK:
I am setting down a few rules in order to make mornings safer and more pleasant for everyone.
1. Do not look at me before 9am. Man who sits on his lawn chair next to the phone kiosk every morning, I'm talking to you.
2. Do not talk to me before 10am. This includes our CEO, even if we are alone on the same elevator. Especially if we are alone on the same elevator. Sorry, Alan. It's not a great time for me.
3. Do not request things from me before 11am. I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT.
4. Do not, by any means, hit on me before noon. Harlem men, downtown construction workers, building security guards, I know that this is very difficult for all of you. But, I am warning you, Mama didn't raise no morning rose. Don't do it. Keep it to yourself -- until 12:01.
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