Since we are (always) on the topic of intergender relationships in New York City, I have to say my favorite is definitely the 15-second-or-less passionate eye contact relationship.
I'm talking about the kind you have with someone in passing, maybe getting off the train or walking down the street or briefly in the elevator. Your eyes meet. He/she smiles. You smile. Constant eye contact. You probably won't ever see this person again, but for those 15-seconds-or-less, you are totally in moment-love with whatever bit of themselves they are revealing in their face. This is the stuff Craiglist's Missed Connections are made of, if you're a total loony and think it's actually lasting-love (in which case you are completely incorrect and also desperate as hell. Do as the rest of us do and join OKCupid).
During 15-seconds-or-less eye moment-love, there are certain rules to appropriate behavior.
Firstly, no speaking. Conversation breaks the eye contact moment-love, and brings the relationship to a whole new and more real level. Obviously there are times when you want to prolong and possibly elevate the relationship, and therefore talking is encouraged if you have half a brain and any personality. However, if you are like me and lean toward extreme awkwardness, you have to realize that speaking will do the opposite of elevate relationships with pure contextless strangers; it will ensure that the moment-love comes to a skidding, wobbly end. This is useful if you want to leave in a mood of hilarity, but less so if you want to walk away with any dignity.
Secondly, and this one should be obvious, don't try to make any sudden moves. Don't try to hold the eye contact while you sit down sexily (will not turn out well), or get something out of your bag, or swipe your Metrocard. If you need to do one of these things, I recommend breaking the eye contact at least 10 seconds before. Otherwise you will be Awkward Anastasia (first "A" name I thought of; no offense to any Anastasias out there. But honestly, why would your parents do that to you?).
There are many things that are acceptable during passionate eye contact. You can, for example, wink or laugh. You can even lick your lips if you're feeling really naughty (but know that it is just NOT a good idea in Harlem. Please. Let's be smart, now). Feel free to be creative and be yourself. Show that you're an awesome person -- with your face. That's a skill, there. They should give out diplomas for that shit.
Sometimes you may have this kind of relationship with a person you will actually see again. This is fine, as long as you are smart about it. There are certain kinds of people who you can encourage in a passionate eye-moment, and some who you should really really not.
People who are great as NYC eye-love buddies:
- Subway train conductors along your commute. You never know when you'll need a door held open for you.
- People who work at ok restaurants near your office. The restaurant can't be too good -- you don't want to get in a situation where you can't ever go back to a great restaurant again.
- Firefighters in your neighborhood. FDNY? Obvious.
People who you should not encourage eye-moment friendships with:
- Food vendors along a route you take daily. Really, they have nothing better to do -- they will stalk you.
- Your doorman. Don't forget, he is watching all the cameras in the building.
- Police officers in Harlem. Just. Don't. Trust me on this.
Go out, young padawans, and make eye contact. Take all these rules and tips with the giant grain of salt that I have no clue what I'm talking about. I would love to hear your stories of 15-seconds-or-less eye-love success (but especially awkward failure).
I'm talking about the kind you have with someone in passing, maybe getting off the train or walking down the street or briefly in the elevator. Your eyes meet. He/she smiles. You smile. Constant eye contact. You probably won't ever see this person again, but for those 15-seconds-or-less, you are totally in moment-love with whatever bit of themselves they are revealing in their face. This is the stuff Craiglist's Missed Connections are made of, if you're a total loony and think it's actually lasting-love (in which case you are completely incorrect and also desperate as hell. Do as the rest of us do and join OKCupid).
 |
| He's definitely going to Missed Connections her. |
During 15-seconds-or-less eye moment-love, there are certain rules to appropriate behavior.
Firstly, no speaking. Conversation breaks the eye contact moment-love, and brings the relationship to a whole new and more real level. Obviously there are times when you want to prolong and possibly elevate the relationship, and therefore talking is encouraged if you have half a brain and any personality. However, if you are like me and lean toward extreme awkwardness, you have to realize that speaking will do the opposite of elevate relationships with pure contextless strangers; it will ensure that the moment-love comes to a skidding, wobbly end. This is useful if you want to leave in a mood of hilarity, but less so if you want to walk away with any dignity.
Secondly, and this one should be obvious, don't try to make any sudden moves. Don't try to hold the eye contact while you sit down sexily (will not turn out well), or get something out of your bag, or swipe your Metrocard. If you need to do one of these things, I recommend breaking the eye contact at least 10 seconds before. Otherwise you will be Awkward Anastasia (first "A" name I thought of; no offense to any Anastasias out there. But honestly, why would your parents do that to you?).
 |
| For the woman, checking out bits other than the face is actually ok and sometimes encouraged. Many sad New York dudes actually like creeper ladies. |
There are many things that are acceptable during passionate eye contact. You can, for example, wink or laugh. You can even lick your lips if you're feeling really naughty (but know that it is just NOT a good idea in Harlem. Please. Let's be smart, now). Feel free to be creative and be yourself. Show that you're an awesome person -- with your face. That's a skill, there. They should give out diplomas for that shit.
Sometimes you may have this kind of relationship with a person you will actually see again. This is fine, as long as you are smart about it. There are certain kinds of people who you can encourage in a passionate eye-moment, and some who you should really really not.
People who are great as NYC eye-love buddies:
- Subway train conductors along your commute. You never know when you'll need a door held open for you.
- People who work at ok restaurants near your office. The restaurant can't be too good -- you don't want to get in a situation where you can't ever go back to a great restaurant again.
- Firefighters in your neighborhood. FDNY? Obvious.
 |
| Yes sir, my cat is stuck on the balcony. What? I don't have a balcony? I could have sworn I did... |
People who you should not encourage eye-moment friendships with:
- Food vendors along a route you take daily. Really, they have nothing better to do -- they will stalk you.
- Your doorman. Don't forget, he is watching all the cameras in the building.
- Police officers in Harlem. Just. Don't. Trust me on this.
Go out, young padawans, and make eye contact. Take all these rules and tips with the giant grain of salt that I have no clue what I'm talking about. I would love to hear your stories of 15-seconds-or-less eye-love success (but especially awkward failure).
lol. I love this. I encourage you to strike up a conversation as well! & share some tips.
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